My (Existential) Testimony

What Has Been My Mission?

I am a thinker and a people person, and my mission has been to stop bad things from happening to people that I love. In my very early elementary school, I remember losing my grandmother and, on another occasion, my great-uncle. At those two moments, I became aware of the ever-present reality of death. I was so concerned that I would also lose my mom, my dad, and everyone else I cared about. I remember sitting up one night with my sister, concerned that those whom I loved would pass away. I became afraid. Afraid of the dark. Afraid of death. And afraid of losing the ones that I loved.

How Have I Tried Achieving My Mission on My Own?

So, I tried to achieve my mission by trying to imagine a world without brokenness, where I was the hero. I had a vivid imagination as a child, building worlds in which I could explore and be the main protagonist. In my fantasy, I was a superhero or a vigilante. I wanted a world where the people I loved could not be hurt. But now, I understand, that no matter how hard I try to imagine, the world I actually live in will always be broken. When I was eleven years old, I lost my oldest brother when he took his own life. I had to come to grips with the fact that I was not in control and that, no matter how hard I try, I will not always be able to protect the ones that I love.

What Has Jesus Done?

But this is what Jesus has done for me. He has offered me a world better than the one I live in. He has said that he will never leave me nor forsake me. He promises that all things will work out for my good. Because of Him, I find restoration and peace and eternal life. Jesus takes what I cannot do on my own, and He completes it. Because He is God, He has promised to make a new creation where I do not have to fear death and disease; where I do not have to worry whether my loved ones will die.

What Did I Do About Jesus?

That is why I have decided to follow Jesus. At age 8, before I lost my brother, I understood the brokenness of this world, and I knew that I needed someone to fix it. I remember sitting on the floor of the gymnasium at Northland Bible Camp, having a vivid picture of what Christ did on the cross. I knew that day that it was through who He is and what He has done that I can experience new life. I can find peace, knowing that the one who saved me from my sins has promised to keep hold of me until He calls me home.

Now What?

So now, I live to build Christ’s kingdom. I understand that living for the world He has promised is far better than living for a world I simply imagine. As a result, I now am pursuing full time ministry. I want to help others understand the world that Christ offers, free of sickness, pain, and death. Preaching is my passion because the message is far greater than anyone can imagine. And I will preach until that day when I can be with Him forever. And I want to be with Him forever because He has promised that He will always be with me. In the brokenness and the sorrow, Jesus has shown himself to be faithful and true.

* This style of sharing my testimony was an assignment that I completed in "Gospel in a Multi-cultural World" (Min 400) at Bob Jones University. The assignment was designed to provide a way to think through my testimony in a way that was different than the normal "churchy" testimony. "Existential" is meant to express the individuality of my testimony. Although I have the same Savior as other believers, I am not the same person. Therefore, my story of how Jesus rescued me is different than other stories. Sharing our testimonies with an individual mindset helps unbelievers realize that the Gospel is personal and it meets them in their individual struggles.