Tearing Down the High Places: A Reflection

Since moving to Utah just over two weeks ago, I've learned three things.

I am a sinner. I am a spiritual idolater. And I need wisdom.

I promise you, I didn't just figure this out. I've known it for quite awhile--for 15 years actually. Still, something about moving to a new place, doing life-on-life ministry with a group of your peers, and leading that same group makes you a little more aware of your need for grace than before. Jared Jenkins needs grace everyday; and a lot of it.

To be honest, the first two weeks in Utah have not been easy. They have been draining--physically, emotionally, and spiritually. For two weeks, we worked hard to prep and run a successful week of Plant Camp at Gospel Grace Church. Adjusting to life in Salt Lake City has also been a little difficult. They say it takes about 3 months to get fully adjusted to a new setting. When people ask me what I'm doing after the summer, I tell them that I've moved to Utah to be a part of the pastoral residency at Gospel Grace in the Fall. I have to remind myself of the same thing. I'm here in Utah. After the summer, there is no more college (except seminary via livestream). There is no moving back to Michigan. I'm here to stay in Utah. This is where the Lord will have me. This is home now.

While these last few weeks have been difficult, they have been rewarding. It seems like everyday has been an uncovering of my idols. Everyday, trials come. And, everyday, I'm reminded of how selfish I truly am. I realize that while the Spirit convicts me of sin in my life, I have the terrible habit of making excuses for it. Like Adam, I tend towards blame-shifting and side-stepping when I get caught. "The friends that you gave me," I could be heard saying to God. "The situation that you put me in," I may say as an excuse.

Because of my pride and fear, I keep up appearances. I fail to admit my sin and let others in to see my weakness. I fail to let others know where I've messed up. All the while, I bend the knee to the Baals, Asherahs, and Molechs of comfort, the praise of man, knowledge, and relationships. In a city, a state, and a country where temples are built and flags are raised for the idolatry of self, I too have worshipped the wrong gods. I too need grace.

Thankfully, God gives more grace. Through personal study of the Gospel of Luke, the discipleship of Will Galkin, and our group study through the epistle of James, there has been a systemic unveiling and tearing down of the idols of my heart. God has brought me low, showing me my weakness. There are some days where I feel like King Josiah and the only thing I have left to do in the face of my sin is to rend my clothes and beg God to be merciful to me. My soul echoes Paul's words: "wretched man that I am: the chief of sinners." I feel like the woman caught in adultery, weeping at the feet of Jesus, afraid that he too may stone me. I am a spiritual adulterer.

But, God's grace is greater. He came to save sinners. He brings low so that he may exalt. He makes slaves of sins into children of himself. Therefore, because of God's grace, I can worship, love, and submit to him.